seriously doing PI with hangover... really just waiting to breakdown already. . ..

Doing my pw. .. half - drunk . .. tehee... ya. .. life's tough. life's tough.. but maybe, i just need to praiseGod more? butyeah. i see the whole damn room spinning around likemad... and and my wallet's being broke like soon! argh. i gotta kick this habit ofmine... but whatever. if alcohol = hapiness, that's what mattersmost. i should just end it here. feeling the heat already. nights fellow earthlings. . .

Life's tough. . .. Nothing that i ever had tried, seemed to be working. . . nothing. . . Happiness. . . is so hard to get. . . really. . . One by one, bit by bit, everything's falling apart. . . Sucks being me. . . and to live, it sucks. . . .

Day by day, more and more needles sink into my heart, killing me slowly, and painfully. Yet, a smile shall be the only thing shown be me.

One day. . . just . . .one day. . .

" But sometimes, in this suff'ring, and hopeless despair, my heart cries for a shelter, to know that someone's there . "







It has been 2 months since things changed. But my feelings doesn't.

I know this may not apply the same to you, but . . . yeah. . . .


Life's been tough.



Juggling with a new educational environment, and frequently tiring myself out with 2 CCAs. . . All i wanted to feel, was to feel happy. . . really. . . But yet, being happy is actually harder than solving maths equations.


Been spending close to about $30 for 2 consecutive weekends of drinking. Another day of drinking is coming up. Been overworking myself too much, so that i just wanna fall sick, and sleep all day, and not giving a care about life. If i can take a third CCA, i will already have done it. If i was able to work again, i would have done it. Because every single day i live, is another day that i have to pretend.

SOmetimes, i really don't know what i've become. Excessive drinkings and easily annoyed. . . That wasn't the " me " in the past. I thought my past self was already a horrible person, but yet. . . i've yet to become a monster. . .

However, i still, do feel glad that you weren't in my shoes. Because this much of pain, really, really kills.

But at times, i do wish, that you know how i really am feeling. . .


THe thing is just that, i really don't know what had happen, such that, we totally just changed, over the weekends. We were once happy, then the next week, thing just start deteriorating . . .


Honestly, i still remember our very first conversation when we just started. You wanted to do star-gazing . . .

I still , do. . .



Maybe, maybe i was just such a failure all along. . . .